When I moved back to my hometown of Johannesburg, after being away since I left to study after high school, I was excited to come back to my favourite city of dramatic thunderstorms, many languages and the iconic skyline.
What I didn’t anticipate was how draining moving my entire life from Cape Town would be. Psychologist Lwanele Khasu says change has negative connotations for many of us. “Change threatens the safety and comfort we know and throws us in an unknown space. There is fear in the unknown because as individuals we want to have control, or at least manage our surroundings. When we move into new spaces, we fear that we won’t be accepted or will fail to manage situations.”
Becoming resilient
Lwanele says there is a range of emotions you can expect before, while and after undergoing change. These include fear, excitement, hope, anger, sadness over losses and anxiety about the inability to control or predict things. So, how do you begin to cope with these emotions?
“The first thing is analysing and understanding what the root of the anxiety is. Yes,change is scary but what are you as an individual anxious about? Is it embracing yourself in the new role? Is it looking stupid in front of people? Is it proving to yourself that you can do it? What is the worst case scenario and what is the probability of that happening?” She says what this process does, is rationally question your emotions and give you power of knowledge.
This is important because when you feel prepared you’ll still be anxious but with a sense of calm that you have done your best to prepare and certain scenarios are unlikely to happen. “Also, anxiety is not always a bad thing, it shows us that we care and can reveal what we are most afraid of, which can be empowering.”
Adapting and flourishing
Lwanele explains that preparing for change depends on whether it was a choice or not. “If it is a choice, then yes, one can prepare for it by researching and asking people who have gone through it before. However, if it’s not a choice then there’s no preparation, but there can be adaptation and adjustment.” She says adapting to change means:
- Accepting the reality of what happened.
- Taking responsibility for your part and how you will adjust to it.
- Facing and understanding the fear.
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Asking yourself if there is an alternative perspective to the one you hold.
- Accessing your support system (don’t go through it alone).
- Finding ways to help you cope with the change.
- Doing things you enjoy, so there’s still some pleasure in your life while you find your footing in the new situation.
Compiled by Gugulethu Mhlungu
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