With her wedding only a few months away, BONA editor, Linda Mali, is sharing what she’s learning on the road to the altar.
Can I be honest? I have not enjoyed the wedding planning process. I know this makes me a bad bride. Similar to those mothers who admit to not enjoying the first few months of motherhood; apparently, you’re not supposed to admit something like this out loud. I’ve been dreaming about getting married since I was a teenager; choosing dresses, tasting cakes and sipping champagne at the bridal shower. I now have what I want, but why am I not enjoying it? It’s because I have been catapulted into a permanent state of anxiety.
Granted, anxiety isn’t always a rational emotion. But, it’s uncontrollable and once it has you, it’s difficult to escape its grasp. Inwardly, I am okay. It’s the things and people around me that make me feel like I’m running out of time, that invites are supposed to be out by now, and that because nothing is final I’m going to have the worst wedding ever. My poor #BhutBae is having dreams of major things missing on the big day. So, I am not alone in the anxiety front. I’ve listed the things that typically cause anxiety and suggest ways in which to combat them.
1.Running out of time when there is still a lot to do
This happens to many brides; you still have a lot to do, and fear creeps in. This is when you need to get some perspective. Create a checklist and tackle one item at a time, starting with the smallest task. Remember that you don’t have to do everything yourself. It’s been hard for me to ask for help but trust me, your friends and family are just waiting for the honour. Tackling the easy tasks first will give you an instant sense of achievement, and that will motivate you to tackle the big tasks.
2. You worry about where money will come from
The wedding industry is booming and I resent the way in which it preys on people by using one of their most vulnerable emotions to cash in – love. Planning a wedding is costly. I have come to the realisation that I cannot afford my taste, and this has brought me down to reality. But, you’ve got to work with what you have, financially and otherwise. This is a time to be resourceful – use your graphic designer friends to create your wedding stationery. If your friends are musicians, ask them to perform at the reception. Try not to get a loan from the bank because repaying it after the wedding is going to hurt. Also, learn to be adaptable; if you want peonies for your centre pieces, only to find that they are not in season, choose a similar but indigenous flower that is in season and readily available.
3. You worry that you will drop a major ball
It’s easy to forget something when you’re planning a wedding. Try to think of the day from a guests’ perspective; you would ensure that they have everything they need, from the moment they walk in. If you are in the position to hire a wedding planner, do so because not only will they save you money with the discounts they can negotiate with suppliers, they will also have a checklist and keep track of the status of all the elements. If you can’t get a planner, then technology is your friend. There are many wedding apps available, and they come with preloaded items to do, as well as a timeline and notifications to cross things off every month.
4. When it all gets too much
There will be moments where you feel like you ‘just can’t deal’. When I encounter those, I do one of the following:
- Completely disengage and pretend that there is no wedding. I took a week off wedding planning just to give my mind a break.
- I focus on the items that have to do with me; my hair, nails and make-up. I go for trials, book spa treatments and also try my wedding dress on, just to admire it.
- I reach out to #BhutBae and spend some quality time just to remember why we are getting married. It’s not about the wedding day, but the life we are building together. When all else fails, I bury myself in his embrace. Works every time!
